Emerald Eyes, I Wait For Thee
by Marisol Akyri
Summary: Let's take the events we all know and hate, and twist them a tad. Perhaps, what if some events beyond these two's control came about? What if, fate was willing for the second chance to be made, in it's own time?
1. Chapter 1

Mmk. I fell in love with Snape Lily about a few days ago, after reading wonderful Fanfiction here. So here I am trying to share my own. Planning for this to be long and I'm sorry if this first chapter is short. Average I can normally sprout around at least 5,000 to 6,000 words, but I was so eager to get something out! So please, enjoy the awesomeness and should have been canon that is Snape Lily~

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**I hate feeling like this…  
I'm so tired of trying to fight this…**

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_"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" said James._

_"I was watching him - his nose was touching the parchment," said Sirius viciously. "There'll be great grease marks all over it; they won't be able to read a word."_

_**No, no. Stupid Potter and Black. **_

_"Wash out your mouth," said James harshly. "Scourgify!"_

_"Leave him ALONE!"_

_**No, you should have never even bothered.**_

_"All right, Evans?"_

_"Leave him alone," Lily repeated. "What's he done to you?"_

_"Well," said James, "it's more the fact that he __exists__, if you know what I mean..."_

_**Was Potter right? My existence…seems to cause all these problems.**_

_You think you're funny," she said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toe rag, Potter. Leave him __alone__."_

_"I will if you go out with me, Evans," said James quickly. "Go on... Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."_

_**No Lily, don't get involved. You're higher than…this. You mean much more that this miserable fool can ever give you.**_

_"Let him down!"_

_Certainly," said James, and he jerked his wand upward. Severus fell into a crumpled heap on the ground. Disentangling himself from his robes, he got quickly to his feet, wand up, but Sirius said, "Locomotor mortis!" and Severus keeled over again at once, rigid as a board._

_"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now._

_"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you."_

_**NO! You dare do anything to her and I'll make you regret it for the rest of your miserable, idiotic life.**_

_"Take the curse off him, then!"_

_James sighed deeply, then turned to Severus and muttered the counter curse._

_"There you go," he said, as Severus struggled to his feet again. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus -"_

_"I don't-" Severus started to say. _

_**Don't say it.**_

_"I don't need your help-"_

_**STOP!**_

_-Mudblood."_

Whoever came up with the age-old adage sticks and stones, Severus thought they could go stuff themselves. It obviously didn't work and was pointless.

For why else was he here, alone, for the first time since they stepped onto the Hogwarts Express but five years ago.

It was the end of Fifth year and start of summer holidays, and Severus wanted nothing more to walk into the joke of a home that was his and lock himself in his room all summer.

He had messed up with Lily, big time.

He wasn't sure now what else to do. He had apologized countless times, tried being nicer to her, giving her all the answers in Potions, the class where they were forced to still sit together.

But of course, it was to no avail. Because he had uttered that cursed word at Lily, his Lily. The beautiful red head that made his life so much more worthwhile those seven years ago. The girl who taught him that life can be a place to laugh, that children could enjoy being around their parents.

He pressed his forehead against the glass of the window, the familiar countryside rolling past.

She had taught him and meant so much to him, the lowly boy straight from the ghettos.

For a full seven years Severus felt like he was indeed living through a fairytale, a dream. Life wasn't kind to him, so why would fate give him such a girl?

The rattle of his worn-out trunk above as the train sped over the tracks brought his thoughts back, and he knew the answer simple enough.

He heard the compartment door open and Severus kept his eyes shut, tilting his head away from the group. He didn't care, didn't want to see anyone. But his Lily.

His chin was propped across his crossed arms, face still tilted away from the visitors to his misery. He tried to hold back the tears, mental cursing himself for even thinking of such a thing. Hadn't he cried enough already? Lily's rejection of his apology, pitiful as it was, seemed like a sword was just pierced into his heart. The weak, damaged organ it was.

He spent the rest of the days before vacation locked up in his four-poster, hiding away from the world that had teased him so. Yes he had come down for classes, but after Lily's refusal to forgive…

Severus held back another dry sob, with a hiccup. He mustn't think of it. That would only bring more of, this. Weakness. He almost blamed himself, and had certainly blamed Lily, for seeming so alluring, so indispensable to his life. When they lived within walking distance if each other even, how much more miserable can you get than that?

Never again would the boy be allowed to sneak in through Lily's second story window, never again would the two race to their spot and watch the night sky. Never again would he have her, her whole loving family, minus Petunia, to escape to after his own life falls down.

Severus tucked his head in between his crossed arms, the front of his black, mop of hair splayed across the window. He had cried already too much. He wouldn't give whoever was here with him the pleasure.

Although he had a fleeting hope the next voice called out to him would be one of pure bliss, a tone laced with the innocent understanding and compassion she gave all creatures. Except him.

"Hey Severus?"

By the first syllable he knew that the fantasy wouldn't come true, and it took all his control to not snap at this student to leave. But he wouldn't anyways. Since this was Mulciber you were talking about. One in a pair of Severus's closest friends in his house, now his only real close friends. The friends he wouldn't give up, which Lily so clearly predicted.

Why was he doing that? Bringing everything to revolve around her?

"Snape…?"

"What?"

He didn't bother hushing or snapping down his tone. This fool wanted to talk to a guy who obviously looked less than willing to converse, let the dunderhead get what he deserved. The only thing not stopping the boy from yelling at him to leave altogether was that this was Mulciber you were talking about. His family high in the rankings of Death Eaters, a position Snape took advantage of, once upon a time. Now his convictions and dedication towards a group, he wasn't so sure.

But the boy was a pure-blood nevertheless, and in Slytherin you would talk to one with respect. Unless you wanted to regret it. Severus was done with regrets, so he corrected his tone.

"Yes Mulciber?"

"I hear you finally did have a falling out with the Mudblood girl of yours? Evans was it?"

Snape kept his face hidden in his arms, his words muffled. He couldn't trust himself around this boy, if he was of easy access to his wand. You don't call Lily that. He hated calling her that. Which he had been sure get across to her during the last days of school. The fact she ignored him was a different matter altogether, but still-

"Severus?"

He had to stop letting his mind wander, especially now.

"Sorry, just thinking. What were you saying?"

"Heh. Just how don't you think we should teach that girl a lesson? You don't mess with one of our own-"

"NO!"

Mulciber blinked, leaning back as Snape finally flipped his face towards him, black eyes wide.

"Uh…Well Severus. She did make one of my mates feel like trash, and she did go against what you called her. Which was the truth you know." Mulciber leaned back against the cushions of the seat, face to the side and muttering. "Little bitch that she was…"

Severus felt the flare of temper rise through him again. "What did you say?"

At the boy's tone Mulciber looked up, eyes bunched together confused. "Just the truth Severus."

"Leave."

"W-What?"

"Go!" Without even bothering to check if the boy was leaving Severus planted his face back into his crossed arms, eyes peeking out at the British country-side. They were only about half an hour away too.

Mulciber stood up, running a hand through his own copper hair. This whole Evans girl really had him thrown for a loop. The boy knew that there was some discussion that needed to be done, in terms of how to handle her. He slid the compartment door shut, on the look-out for Avery. Something needed to be done.

Severus just watched the hills roll blankly by, now alone. He tilted his head down, allowing the black locks so considered greasy to hide his face, the skin sallow and nose hooked. He then shut his eyes, and let the tears leak out. He had just turned his life into a giant mess, and there would be no, beautiful, angelic, emerald-eyed girl to save him.

_Perhaps there never was, _the boy wrly throught at the train settled into Platform 9 3/4.

Let this miserable summer begin.


	2. Chapter 2

Alright, chapter two is up! Huzzah and all. It's moving terribly slow yes I know, but I'm still trying to get all my plot bunnies to pasture and such. But do not worry, next chapter some Lily returns, and the beginning of everything…begins. Heh. R & R please-^^

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**Feel your every heartbeat  
Feel you on these empty nights**

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King's Cross was as busy as always, families hugging and friends giving tearful good-byes.

Snape hated it.

Sliding out of the compartment, the thread-bare and battered trunk under tow, he slid out past the door, pointedly ignoring all in his path. He couldn't stand facing the triumphant glances of those Marauders, on Lily supposedly having finally making the "right decision". And the same for his own house. Their scheming ways and sneers were something he would like to be without, as of now.

But of course, fate often has decided to taunt the boy. And that it did, for as the boy walked past the crowed platform, nearing the wall to the Muggle Side, he caught sight of Lily. Or Lily caught sight of him. He wasn't sure which, but he for one wasn't the first to look away.

The girl was with her own parents, Violet and Daniel. Such a couple, Severus often envied the family life Lily was so lucky to have. They loved her very much, and she should be thankful for that. He noticed Petunia's absence, but wasn't surprised. As if she would willingly come to a magical gathering of any kind.

Lily was warmly embracing her parents, her face between their equally joyful bodies. But still, she allowed her eyes to open, and see Severus's standing body but a few feet away. He held back a gulp, and dared to try again. His hand only went half way up for a wave before a flash of an emotion he couldn't identify crossed her face. Disgust, sadness? Lily turned her head back, now dragging her parents away.

Snape didn't' want to think of it anymore. He knew it a childish approach, but as long as he wouldn't think of it, it wouldn't have to be true.

He walked through the barrier, now in a different type of crowd.

The majority were not school age children but of adults, a good amount those clean-cut business types Snape resented. Those who would take a look at him, in jeans hanging off the at the top of the ankle, years old boots that were cracked and stained, a shirt obviously too small all under thread bare robes, patches in intermittent areas.

He dragged the trunk behind him, keeping eye contact from the scoffing adults, teasing children.

The fact he was wearing a robe in muggle territory didn't really help either.

But what else was he expected to do? Normally he would go home with Lily; they would take their robes off in the car, joke about the return to a life without magic, a summer of adventure.

Now Severus was making his way to a pay phone at the other end of the relatively normal Platform Nine. He had chosen not to mention to his mother the now terminated relationship between him and Lily, not in the mood to hear remarks eerily similar to his house-mates on the girl.

No, Eileen Snape would think the end of this friendship as a wonderful thing indeed.

But he couldn't blame his mother. That was just the way such a woman was brought up. And while her attitude to Lily had been trying to him in the past, the least Snape could do was just keep quiet, and let her rant. She had enough arguing with her husband.

Digging in his pocket for the muggle coins he kept in emergency, it took all his concentration to not look out of the corner of his eye. At the girl walking past.

He shut his eyes, hand near tearing a hole in the thin pocket as he searched faster. This was just torture really. Having to see her but know you couldn't say anything. He did catch note of the Evans's curious glances at him as Lily strode swiftly past. Of course she wouldn't have said anything yet. About how she wasn't speaking to her best friend anymore.

Because of a stupid word.

But then, wasn't this partly Lily's fault? She had refused to forgive him, even after he came back to her countless times with an apology.

But then again, he supposed the real problem also was how he continued seeing his friends. People who Lily deemed unsafe and a bad influence.

Realizing how easy that word slipped out in a moment of anger on his end, at the lake, perhaps she was right.

Like she always was. Because when it came right down to it, Severus knew he could never stay angry at Lily. She meant too much, was such a large part of his life. And now, without her, without the security that she'll be there when he needs her. That was just, awful.

He grimaced, realizing he had managed in fact to tear a hole in the pocket of his robe out of spite. Wiggling his skinny fingers against his well-worn and torn shirt Severus sighed, pulling out his hand. Perhaps the coins were somewhere else.

Which was a laugh really. The other pocket was torn months back, and he knew better than to keep money in his pants, or trunk.

Memories of the many times gravity had been against him in such an area struck through, and Snape backed away from the phone.

He would just have to find another way home.

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Severus dragged his trunk out of the beat up car, merely nodding to the driver. He was thankful for the ride, but not reason enough to gush attention. It was about tea time he figured, and the boy gave a wry smile as he walked up the cracked path.

As if there would ever be a tea time in the Snape household.

Lily's on the other hand, he was sure there was some food being distributed of some sort. There always was. Every time Severus had stepped in Violet Evans never tried to scrounge the boy out of food. She took his skinny frame as a near insult, taking it upon herself to stuff him until he could really consume no more.

But of course there would be no more happy meals.

He laid his hand on the rusted knob, not surprised that it was unlocked. As if anyone would want to break in and steal anything.

Bumping the wooden trunk on the small stoop Severus looked around, eyes wary. He was in the small living room, one of three rooms on the bottom floor.

Everything seemed normal, the appearance hadn't changed surely. The same peeled wallpaper, carpet stained a perpetual gray, brown tinged in some sports where his mother couldn't fully clean out the results of Tobias's alcoholic binges.

At the mention of the man he held back a scoff, knowing his apparent absence hear was nothing to be happy about. He was just as likely in the pub gulping down cans, then pouring down bottles of the same substance here, at this house.

"Mum?"

His voice seemed to have echoed throughout the tiny rooms, and all Severus wanted to do was say hello to his mother and go to his room. Hide out the rest of the summer. It wasn't like he could go to the play park near his house anymore, or The Spot.

His grip on the handle tightened. He had to just stop thinking about such about it. Surely his whole life wasn't that dependent on her, or the places they go.

He was passing by the grimy hole of a kitchen when his mother came out, slouching as she approached him.

"Oh my Prince. You're back." She reached out to encase him in a bony hug and he relented, allowing the trunk to fall with a thud on the floor.

His let his own arms shakily surround her, bending down to place his forehead atop her shoulder.

"Missed you too Mum."

Even if there were times he found himself disappointed with his mother, on his choice of company or constant state of mind that muggles weren't up to par, he couldn't not still feel for her. She was the one who married Tobias. Anyone involved with him deserved some form of understanding for sure.

The sounds of gravel skidding on the path outside came through the thin walls, and at once Eileen broke the hug, eyes on the door.

"Severus, I think you should just put your school trunk away. Before he comes in."

Knowing the man's attitude toward his blood and schooling Severus nodded, pulling the trunk along and dragging it up to his room.

The creak of the door was heard as he stepped onto the shaky landing of the second story, making his way to the room at the end of the hall.

The sounds of yelling just picked up as Severus closed the door, muting the fight that will be.

_Lovely seeing you too dad._

He threw his trunk at the footboard, landing on his back with a plop on his near-century old mattress.

The cracked and water-spotted ceiling met his gaze, and only now did he let out a sigh. This had been probably one of the worst few months in his life. This feeling of drowning, getting lost in this hole you really only dug for yourself.

He turned to his side, throwing his pillow over his head. The yells only got louder, and for once Severus wanted to think in peace. His anchor, his ladder, Lily. She was gone it seemed. Why this girl who could forgive all the antics of Potter and his friends, but not him. It was like a betrayal of trust to the boy, already someone who rarely tried to communicate or be understood by others.

Every part of him urging to just forget about her, move on with his life alone. Surely he was strong enough to do that? He wasn't such a weak sod who couldn't even hold his own life together right?

But still, how many times had he run off to Lily when things here had gotten too bad? How many Christmases had he spent at her house, as if one of the family? How many birthdays parties, although he always had to near beg to not even have one. They didn't have to waste their money on the likes of him.

It was with a heavy heart that Severus realized that for once Lily would probably agree with that statement.

He could hear the sounds dying down, the heave clumps of Tobias's work boots on the floor. If Severus's timing was correct, he believed that as of now, his mother was pulling out a bottle for the man. Who was now landing himself on the couch, sprawled as if he owned the damn thing.

There was the sound of clanking too, so perhaps today wouldn't be a total loss. There would be dinner at least.

He tried to stop his mind from wandering. Imagining to what Lily would be doing right now.

Years with being next to her had painted a picture in his mind, and he was willing to be the little money he had that Lily was going through the house, greeting every room as if it was its own person. Oh how many times he had been dragged into this "welcoming".

Severus only knew that he would be willing to say hello to a hundred rooms if it meant being next to Lily.

Frustrated his pillow was thrown against the wall with a thump. He wasn't sure what was funnier. The fact all his thoughts make their way back to Lily, or that his pillow was hard enough to make a sound while hitting the wall.

He curled up on the bed, eyes blankly staring at the chipped alarm clock in front of him. Not that the alarm worked, but it was a clock nevertheless.

_5:25_

He let his eyes close, trying to see what he could possibly do now. Just because he heard dishes moving in the kitchen below didn't mean dinner would come at a reasonable time for once.

It would be at least a good three hours before he was called down to the meal. One that now didn't barely seem like enough after spending all those dinners at the Evans's.

And he had to stop doing that.

Pushing himself off the bed he landed on the wood floor with a 'thump', making his way over the creaking floorboards to the window across the room.

Small as it be it was still an escape to see the outside, which was exactly what Severus planned on doing.

Leaning on his elbows the boy stared out of the dusty ledge, to the houses on the street below.

Spinner's End wasn't known for its beautiful range of houses, all the people here weren't that well off. But at least they tried. It was no surprise the Snape family was easily the worst off in the lot.

Such a thing that never bothered him.

Because he always had Lily to take his mind of everything.

The grip on the ledge tightened, and Severus back away.

That was enough thinking at the window.

Another glance at the clock told him about only ten minutes had past. Plenty of time he was sure, to take a walk.

To clear his head. That was all.

The floor creaked again as Severus made his way across the room and down the hall, the figure of Tobias on the couch visible from the landing.

"Drunken fool…"

Muttering under his breath as he walked past on the ground floor Eileen walked out, hands wringing over themselves nervously. And for good reason with the company here.

"Severus, where are you going?"

"Out."

It pained him to be so short, but who knows how much time he would have. Right now the only thing the boy wanted was peace, to walk for a few blocks.

As he stepped out the lump on the couch gave a grunt, and Snape rolled his eyes as the door shut closed behind him. Always nice to get a good-bye from the man he supposed.

The crisp late afternoon air greeted his skin, and after being cooped up in that stuffy house for only about an hour the outside air was a pleasable contrast.

He made the way up Spinner's End sluggishly, posture slouched and face scowling as he often was in public. It warded people away, and the boy was definitely not in the mood for talking or being sociable with anyone else.

Not that anyone in their right mind would approached a sallow, long-haired, lanky, badly-dressed…

He shook his head, clearing the thought train. The last thing he needed now was to feel even more worse of himself.

He still hadn't given up hope though. There just had to be a way to remedy this.

It wasn't in her nature to not forgive, a part of him was shocked she was holding this grudge for so long even.

As much as he wanted to admit this was all his fault, and poor Lily was victim…still. Was it because of his "friends" ? Granted they weren't the best lot, being future Death Eaters and such. But still, he was having second thoughts about all this.

Luckily The Mark wasn't given to under age supporters, so he still had time to leave. But still.

To leave that group, in Slytherin no less.

Couldn't she see why he wanted to join in the first place? It wasn't that he believed in the whole idea of pure-blood vs. muggle-born. She was his best friend. How could Lily think he thought pure-blood's better than anything? He wasn't even one himself!

Couldn't she see that the only reason he wanted to join, was for her sake?

No matter how much she wouldn't accept or deny it, Severus knew that Lily would be victimized under the Death Eaters. But if he could join their ranks, he could protect her. They wouldn't dare harm her or her family.

They wouldn't.

Nagging at his conscious though, was the very real fear that this couldn't be enough in the long run.

Was that what Lily meant about not bothering to interact with them?

But they were his friends, as pitiful a term that can be.

He knew Lily was his only true companion, but in Hogwarts, you needed to align yourself with a group. Especially if Potter and Pals were your enemies.

And the fact Lily rarely took any action, forgiving those troublesome gits too many times to count. Of course he felt obliged to become with his own house. Who all shared a common enemy of Potter.

Well, Gryffindors in general, but still.

A stray pebble found itself kicked along the sidewalk, and Severus stopped mid-step. His eyes tracing the cracks, so familiar it could have been the scars on his body, registered this place in his mind.

Hesitantly Snape raised his head, suppressing the very loud groan of frustration that wanted to be heard.

It wasn't enough he couldn't stop thinking about her, but really.

This was getting ridiculous.

The golden trim surrounding the Evans's house was near glowing in the almost setting sun.

Almost as if a beacon, to have him come up the path.

Just trudge up those few simple steps, knock on the door. Chances were Mrs. Evans would answer, and that Lily hadn't told her about what happened at school.

As if listening to a greater power Severus found his feet taking the few tentative steps forward, softly as if not yet wanting to make his presence known.

Did he really want to do this?

Maybe him just being there would make things worse. Like they often did in the past. His coal eyes locked onto the door, body twisting away as if to turn.

What to do.

Hands clenched he regained his fervor, eyes steady and unwavering at the door.

He would do this. March right up and demand to see Lily. It wasn't like they could avoid each other forever. And she never said I don't want to see you again.

Was he so desperate for her acceptance that grasping at loose straws was an option?

The skid of a trashcan broke him out of his reverie, and the boy could hear someone coming up from the side of the house.

Gone was the bravery, back was the cowardice that launched him into this whole mess in the first place.

Severus retreated, backing away from the house in increasing speed as the noise got louder. He swiveled, running back down the pavement as the figure of Mr. Evans wiping the sweat off his brow, landing the bin on a spot not so far from where a boy was making his supposed "last stand" moments before.

His worn boots slapped against the ground with force, his long legs finally getting use in running swiftly away.

He needed a new plan. This constant fear of even being seen by her family, it was both humiliating and painful for the boy.

They were like his second family, the only adults who could honestly care for his well-being. Why he wasn't sure, especially now.

Luckily no one had seemed to take notice of the near-sprinting boy, and Severus ran back down the road to Spinner's End, prim and well-kept homes transcending into the ragged and lonely sad excuses for a shack that was his own neighborhood.

He skidded to a stop a few feet from the door, tentatively laying a palm against the splintered wood as he leaned over, desperate to catch his breath. The last thing he needed was questions, or accusations really of what and where he had just been and doing.

After taking in a last ragged breath Severus opened the door, gently, hoping the man wouldn't wake.

The fact he would be in a alcoholic-induced nap right now wasn't even a question or source of doubt for the boy anymore.

It seemed his mother hadn't taken notice as well, and out of habit the boy wiped his boots over the ratty rug by the door. He crept past the couch, telly blaring some news he was sure.

Why Tobias bothered to turn on the television only to pass out in front of it was a question he had yet o ask, and knew he never would. It was just another one of those things, plain and simple.

He found himself back in his room after a quick few moments, and launched himself back on the mattress, looking over at the clock.

_6:10_

Really? It seemed his excursion certainly took longer than about half an hour.

But still, who was he to judge.

So Snape looked blankly at the wall across, trying to keep his thoughts from anything but Lily, and his almost approach to her house.

There was a better way to solve this. He just had to think of it. And thinking for one was able to come in great supply in the Snape household. Not like there was anything better to do anyways.

And it wasn't like walking to her house would become a common occurrence, only to speed off at the last minute, right?

This he kept telling himself a week already into summer, the new beginnings of a plan hazily coming together in his near desperate mind.


End file.
